Monday, 25 November 2019

On the horns of a dilemma.


Much as I hate to admit it I do share more than a little of the sentiment expressed in the above photo. Perhaps I'm just very cynical but all those glossy manifestos are to my eyes just a marketing ploy to get my vote...what is promised and what is actually delivered are two very different beasts. Stepping aside from the mainstream parties though it doesn't mean to say that I don't derive a little mirth from the the looming election......

In my innate wisdom and sheer nosiness I decided to peruse the entire list of all the candidates standing in the country...all 222 pages of it. It made for some interesting reading....I've narrowed it down to my two favourite parties.

Church of the Militant Elvis are proposing that there should be a free neutering for all stray cats and Boris. They have suggested that Noel Edmonds should be brought in to negotiate Brexit after all the experience he has amassed in his years of hosting "Deal or No Deal" With regards to another People's Vote the options should be A] In the EU B] Out of the EU and C] Pretend to leave but stay in. Amongst all their tongue in cheek suggestions they do have some very heartfelt and serious ideas.

The Official Monster Raving Loony Party are fielding lots of candidates this year. As ever they are having no truck with anything that smacks of being sensible and they have faithfully promised that they will not be acting upon anything from their manifesto. This is their complete list of "policies" http://www.loonyparty.com/proposals/policies-a-z/ I rather liked the naughty suggestion that all our MPs should do half an hour of Tai Chi every day to counteract the 231/2 hours they spend on Chi Ting!

I wonder how Count Binface [formerly known as Lord Buckethead] will fare in Uxbridge...his major rival is one Mr B Johnson! Unfortunately here in Horsham we have no such political shenanigans. Unless enough people do a complete about turn we will remain true blues as we return the highest Tory majority in the country. It gets ever so slightly controversial when disgruntled folks express their displeasure by voting for the Lib Dems in the local elections, but they always revert to form as soon as we're back in a General one. The only alternative for me is the Peace Party here, but if I was going to go off piste then the Independent Captain Beany from Beanus might win my support. He's been standing since 1986 and does a huge amount of fund raising for charity. He is also the founder of the Baked Bean museum so frankly what's not to like eh!!

Arilx

8 comments:

  1. Reading 222 pages of candidates.......that's dedication!

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    1. Thankfully there were only 10 per page and they were colour coded by party!
      Arilx

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  2. We all the standard offerings in our constituency the only interesting one is the green. 'Our' local MP (who's party I will not mention...) is known for his interest in eating and a penchant for turning up to openings and local events and heading straight to the nearest eatery with official photographer. He shakes a few hands in between scoffing and then is gone. The article soon after mentions him meeting ALL the participants and chatting to the organisers - takes after the party leader in his honesty then ..... I can talk on authority on this as it has happened to two events I have been involved with/organised.....

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    1. I wonder if he's the brother of our local MP...they sound rather similar although this one was an improvement on the last one. That wasn't difficult though! Arilx

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  3. Church of Militant Elvis sounds like my kind of party except for the Noel Edmonds bit, that man gives me the creeps! x

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  4. Our candidate menu here in the States is no more appetizing, Aril. When we had the voting machines like pay phones with curtains, one could see the feet and legs of the voter within. On one miserable morning, we locals stood in the line gazing at heavy work boots shifting from side to side as their owner considered his options... then we heard, "Oh, xxxx!" and a mighty *sigh*, then a *bing* as the vote was recorded. Now, the process is quieter.

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    1. I'm glad we don't have to endure the length of campaigning you have to over in the States!
      Arilx

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