Welcome to the Winter edition of the Naughty Tortie's Mewsletter.
First I have a small confession to make- when I first graced this household with my presence I arrived with....yes I am embarrassed to admit it now...a collar thing around my neck. Worry ye not I soon managed to get shot of it- the best and most effective techniques I find are the ones either where you get your front paw looped in it - ensure you stagger around dramatically so it looks like you're fitting or the one where you get your lower jaw trapped in it so they have to cut you free. I have tried both and have managed to rid myself of the dratted things within minutes. I do not want to hear of any club members allowing themselves to be subjected to any of these ridiculous costumes that I have been hearing horror stories about- those are for pets [usually of the simple canine variety]. Let me once again reiterate cats are owners with staff. I include such an example and I am sure you will agree with me about the shocking content
And now on to some timely winter tips on keeping warm.
Naturally all cats by now should be sleeping under the duvet- she gets a bit hysterical when she finds me down there and makes a fuss out of all proportion. I understand perfectly well how a duvet should be used correctly thank you- it's hardly going to keep me warm if I sleep on top of it is it now! No need to go out in this weather- staff should by now be providing you with an indoor toilet and good quality food to keep you in tip top condition during these severe months. Never accept anything in a tin unless it is of the very small and expensive variety if not, insist on fresh every time, no negotiation. Let me remind you that the staff's job is to serve. I find a general twonking about with my meals and threatened hunger strike always produces something superior.
Until next time- Be Naughty!
P.S. Naturally I feel it is my duty to inform you that in the recent Tortoiseshell awards I won first in both "The Highest Vet's Bill for 2013" and "The Greatest Cuddler" categories. The latter might surprise you but keeping the staff content means that you wrap them around your paw at all times!