Thursday 12 September 2013

Confessions from a failed diva!

Yesterday was let's just say a "challenging" sort of day with events currently going in real life but I felt in in the circumstances I dealt with those with a modicum of dignity....that however, was not to last. I really should have put myself to bed with a mug of cocoa and a packet of hobnobs when I got in at 4pm then all would have been well in my gnat bottomed world. Unfortunately it was not to be.....

I hate cooking and I especially hate cooking if it involves the rolling out of any sort of pastry- there it sat on the side looking accusingly at me, the bleeding packet of puff pastry [I cannot for the life of me make any kind of pastry other than suet] and the crosser I am the more the damned stuff plays up. Now I had girded my loins for the effort involved in creating last night's delicacy of curried tuna puffs only to find that we had Run Out Of Onions. I am the one who does the bulk of the shopping but obviously I was not to blame in any way...I managed to contain my rage by not throwing anything on this occasion [did you know just how far a big box of opened bran flakes goes when hurled hard enough- we were finding the bleeding things for months!] and instead vented my spleen by announcing Importantly up the stairs that plans for supper were cancelled and that we were going to have fish and chips instead. In total fear of my potential for having the screaming abdabs the small person let forth a small whoop- I am still unclear as to whether this was at the prospect of having an unexpected takeaway or at avoiding my culinary offering.

Disaster averted until...10 minutes before I am due to be picked up for Morris dancing practice and I have managed to spill copious quantities of hand cream both on the floor and down my trousers. A second pair of trousers is pulled out of the wardrobe in haste only to find I have not wiped my hands thoroughly enough and they too are now sporting a rather fine set of greasy finger prints right on the front of the thigh. Emergency measures are called for- I cannot go out not wearing a colour coordinated outfit so ah-ha I think- wear the new to me Monsoon skirt. I now find it is not a good idea to dance in a skirt that you have never worn before- Monsoon have a funny idea of what a size 10 constitutes as I find to my cost as I start spinning and the skirt heads southwards at an alarming rate. At this point I am supposed to be counting for my Bedlam stepping but I am trying desperately to calculate whether my ample rump is big enough [eat your heart out J Lo] to stop the dratted thing falling to my ankles and if, or when, disaster strikes what is the etiquette in such situations- my Debretts is very quiet on such matters.....

You will be pleased to hear that I did not suffer a wardrobe malfunction but on arriving home I managed to fall up the stairs and stub my toe. I retired to bed with a bruised toe and a bruised ego....the prospects for today are, so far, looking much finer!!


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