Cheeky Odes

There is nothing so much I love as a bit of unpretentious rude poetry to make me titter. I share with you a couple of my favourites which amuse me in a Les Dawson meets Beryl Cook type way!

Firstly the one off Roald Dahl

A Hand In The Bird

 I am a maiden who is forty,
And a maiden I shall stay.
There are some who call me haughty,
But I care not what they say.

I was running the tombola
At our church bazaar today,
And doing it with gusto
In my usual jolly way

When suddenly, I knew not why,
There came a funny feeling
Of something crawling up my thigh!
I nearly hit the ceiling!

A mouse! I thought. How foul! How mean!
How exquisitely tickly!
Quite soon I know I'm going to scream.
I've got to catch it quickly.

I made a grab. I caught the mouse,
Now right inside my knickers.
A mouse my foot! It was a HAND!
Great Scott! It was the vicar's!

And a short one which I encountered when doing my 'A' Level English back in the 18th century.

Groupie- Lynn Peters

So I went backstage and told him
I thought his performance was fine.
I loved it but only half as much
As he was going to love mine.

And on that high note until next time......

Arilx