Monday 22 July 2013

Summer Naughty Tortie Mewsletter

Dear Naughty Torties and Honorary Naughty Torties,

Welcome to the summer mewsletter of mayhem, mischief and fun.

Firstly, I have been hearing rather worrying whisperings that some newer members may have been vacating their seats to members of staff when asked. Please can I remind you that in this hot weather you may sit wherever you fancy- it is after all your home that you share with your staff not the other way round. They don't have a fur coat to contend with and it is far too hot for them to provide a lap sitting service. I find my particular problem is that she has developed a tendency to sit on the chair in front of that dratted computer thingy [you know that box with the most inanimate boring mouse in the world- I could sort her out with a real one in exchange for some smoked salmon] first thing in the morning which is where I wish to catch my first rays. My solution is simple- announce your arrival with the mithering miaow and then stretch up on your back legs and anchor yourself to her with your claws extended into her thighs before jumping up - she detaches me at high speed to the chair next door but I bide my time. It's only a matter of moments before she'll get distracted [flighty thing that one] and go off to do something- at that point I return to the original chair and ensure I am in full snooze mode before my tail hits the deck. She wouldn't have the temerity to disturb a sleeping cat. Any further clarification needed do contact me between 1 and 2 when I begin my teatime campaign. Obviously prior to that I shall be resting. I include once again my training video for further inspiration.

Whilst the weather is hot can I remind you about some of the indoor entertainment there is to be had. All this week I have been playing the let me in let me out game. This is the one where you ask to be let out through the front door so you can relax on the doormat in the sunshine but the minute somebody opens the door then you rush back in. There is perhaps just time for a quick bite of something [never let the staff catch you eating their idea of a meal though] and then rush back to the front door and repeat the process. Hours of fun to be had with this one- I have been finely honing my technique for days. If the staff had provided me with a cat flap in the front aswell as the back then I could use it if I so chose but unless that happens they must live with the consequences.

Now to the subject of scratching posts....members of this club never use such a thing. Dogs scratch cats manicure. Mine was freecycled unused I am most pleased to report....why bother when I have a whole flight of stairs to sharpen my claws. As you can see from the evidence below I have been most diligent in my use of my scratching stairs and am now moving on to a few of the others to bring them up to the same standard. The staff seem to get most overthrilled when I use them although I am unable to fathom why- they gave me a wooden stick covered in carpet originally and now I am using wood covered in carpet for the same purpose so I fail to see the difference.

 Finally if you are lacking inspiration for suitable meddlesome activities might I suggest that you follow young George's fine lead over on Leanne's Tales of Simple Days blog. I have been mentoring him for quite some time and he has now written a naughty list that he refers in order to keep his staff on their toes. Remember always Purrsistence Pays!

Until next time

Twitten Naughty Tortie Extraordinaire


  1. Lol aril.. you may also need to mention his own blog then.. as most of his evil ways are chronicled there. he has actually been fairly good recently, the heat saps the naughtiness from him. As I type he is once more on his back, his preferred position, centre stage on the rug beside me.

    Leanne x

  2. I will be having words with the errant feline Leanne when I next catch her awake!!



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